How to Be #Empowered in #Relationship Triangles

Choy recommends that anyone feeling like a victim think more in terms of being vulnerable and caring, that anyone cast as a persecutor adopt an assertive posture, and anyone recruited to be a rescuer should react by being "caring".

• Vulnerable – a victim should be encouraged to accept their vulnerability, problem solve, and be more self-aware.

• Assertive – a persecutor should be encouraged to ask for what they want, be assertive, but not be punishing.

• Caring – a rescuer should be encouraged to show concern and be caring, but not over-reach and problem solve for others.

The Power of TED, first published in 2009, recommends that the "victim" adopt the alternative role of creator, view the persecutor as a challenger, and enlist a coach instead of a rescuer.

• Creator – victims are encouraged to be outcome-oriented as opposed to problem-oriented and take responsibility for choosing their response to life challenges. They should focus on resolving "dynamic tension" (the difference between current reality and the envisioned goal or outcome) by taking incremental steps toward the outcomes he or she is trying to achieve.

• Challenger – a victim is encouraged to see a persecutor as a person (or situation) that forces the creator to clarify his or her needs, and focus on their learning and growth.

• Coach – a rescuer should be encouraged to ask questions that are intended to help the individual to make informed choices. The key difference between a rescuer and a #coach is that the coach sees the creator as capable of making choices and of solving his or her own problems. A coach asks questions that enable the creator to see the possibilities for positive action, and to focus on what he or she does want instead of what he or she does not want.